It took me a long time to read this but now that I have I appreciate it. I have a 5 year old myself and I've been juggling work and writing. I've been trying to figure out what I'm doing still but I feel like I've done ok. I've almost finished 2 novels this year, a novella, and launched my newsletter. Sometimes you gotta step back and realize the progress you've made.
I really enjoyed this view :) Thank you for your post! I will be scrapping together bits and pieces of productivity advice in the future, things that work for me from those like me.
I totally agree with you. Being an ex-productive person, I couldn’t accept myself post-motherhood. It felt like I’m losing control over myself. I’m accustomed to be structured and productive. And my kid just threw everything out the window.
And searching for people who are productive in similar situations as mine is hard and seems impossible. There is always an extra advantage in their life.
Currently I redefined my own productivity. If I do something for myself either a workout or book before my son wakes up, I tuned myself to feel productive that day. Reorganized my goals timeline. I stopped comparing myself to the old me. Yet I find it hard to stop comparing myself to others, but working on that.
Anyways, my point is give productivity your own definition based on your priorities and pace of life. This is what I’m trying to do now.
Learning from people in situations similar to us, is so vital. It helps us find blueprints and build on ideas that can actually be applied in our lives.
You’re right Alberto, the standard productivity advice just doesn’t work when you have young kids. I’ve listened to so many podcasts with experts talking about their amazing morning rituals, and there isn’t a crying baby or nappy change in sight!
It is unrealistic to expect parents of young children to be able to fit standard advice into their already hectic days.
As a mum of 2 young ones, I feel like when I achieve even a small task, I’m proud of myself for trying my best and living in the moment by watching my children grow up. I know my time will come again one day. For now though, there’s no rush…
Interesting! First of all: Thank you for sharing this honest and critical perspective!
You really made me think here and follow my instinct about what felt a bit off when reading your lines - and I realise I was expecting a different perspective.
"If we rely only on our instincts, we end up neglecting the meaningful things." I am not sure if I fully agree with this. There is a certain curiosity - the fire in your belly you describe - that is actually an instinct for a meaningful thing.
When you started talking about your son (love how you do that), I thought about how children intrinsically follow their instincts, simply, because they have no idea of anything else. That is also why they are so dependent on a caretaker. However, I feel like the productivity mindset in modern society is what takes over once our parents and (early) teachers have nurtured and educated us to the extend that we actually are not helpless anymore. Maybe, throughout later childhood and adolescence, there is a tipping point where what used to be necessary in terms of learning routines, productivity, tools to actually take action on our instincts (meaning sensing them and responding adequately to them), we start to rely solely on the rountines and structures.
Take a fitness & diet routine that you actually manage to follow rigously. But your body still not responds the way you were aiming for. Is it that the productivity/discipline failed? Or maybe you simply disregarded some true instincts that led to e.g. ignoring food intolerances, eating when you are not hungry, eating what the plan says but not what the body needs, overtraining, etc.
So maybe, what productivity coaches are missing is not only the circumstances of a life of non-coaches as you describe it. Maybe it is the instinct part that gets neglected. I would be curious how some of your earlier advice would look like now if you merge the adult, actionable productivity hacks with the perspective of your son who simply follows whatever his body and mind is telling him right now.
Unfortunately I see most people around me neglecting the things they really need, because they don't feel good. And I'm talking about smart, hard-working people.
In a way, it's Steven Pressfield's argument: when we face an important challenge, Resistance materializes in many ways and we find very reasonable excuses to cave in.
Even a job can be an excuse to procrastinate on something more important, our calling.
This is why we often have to block time on our calendars to do things we say we'd love to do.
It's true - we push things away until "the conditions are better". Conditions that are less busy, have more grown up children, less sick parents, less own health issues, look a certain way, feel a certian way, nail a certain habit, have a bit more money on hand, a better external opportunity coming our way, someone else retiring, someone else quitting, someone encouraging us, someone apologising to us...."
But the conditions will never be perfect and by working more in tune with yourself, you will make your whole lot experience in this life better NO MATTER the circumstances.
I absolutely agree with you Alberto. Above all, a negative aspect of this whole race for productivity through a single correct modality ('wake up at 5 am, gymnastics, writing...' and so on) is the comparison with a reality, as you tastefully stated, which for many simply does not allows it to be superimposable on these schemes. I consider myself a fairly productive person, and what I have learned, also reading many books and content related to the topic, is that the best thing is to build and adapt your own flexible system on how to work. For example, I write things on Notion and try to adapt them gradually in case something doesn't happen. When I moved, I sometimes changed this system or used it less. Some lash out at Notion and other apps because they say they only give us the idea of being productive, increasing procastination. In my opinion, as in all things, there is no black or white thing. Experimentation and, I would add, adaptation to different situations, is crucial above all to be fair in comparison with oneself.
I asked her to clarify "bro" vs "bra" and I've just been given a lesson in tween-ager vernacular. Apparently "bra" is used in a "seriously?" or "what?" context. You just say "bra"
And bro is still like "bro". So now that I've learned from the source, it sounds like bro is still bro.
It took me a long time to read this but now that I have I appreciate it. I have a 5 year old myself and I've been juggling work and writing. I've been trying to figure out what I'm doing still but I feel like I've done ok. I've almost finished 2 novels this year, a novella, and launched my newsletter. Sometimes you gotta step back and realize the progress you've made.
Thanks for taking the time!
And thanks for the reminder. Too often I forget about stepping back.
By the way, you did a lot!
Have you already published everything?
I really enjoyed this view :) Thank you for your post! I will be scrapping together bits and pieces of productivity advice in the future, things that work for me from those like me.
Have a nice day!
Thank you!
I totally agree with you. Being an ex-productive person, I couldn’t accept myself post-motherhood. It felt like I’m losing control over myself. I’m accustomed to be structured and productive. And my kid just threw everything out the window.
And searching for people who are productive in similar situations as mine is hard and seems impossible. There is always an extra advantage in their life.
Currently I redefined my own productivity. If I do something for myself either a workout or book before my son wakes up, I tuned myself to feel productive that day. Reorganized my goals timeline. I stopped comparing myself to the old me. Yet I find it hard to stop comparing myself to others, but working on that.
Anyways, my point is give productivity your own definition based on your priorities and pace of life. This is what I’m trying to do now.
Yes, you need to find your way.
Comparison helps, it gives us new ideas. But we need to compare to the right people
Learning from people in situations similar to us, is so vital. It helps us find blueprints and build on ideas that can actually be applied in our lives.
Thanks for pointing that out Alberto!
Absolutely. And it's hard to find them. We have to look carefully.
You’re right Alberto, the standard productivity advice just doesn’t work when you have young kids. I’ve listened to so many podcasts with experts talking about their amazing morning rituals, and there isn’t a crying baby or nappy change in sight!
It is unrealistic to expect parents of young children to be able to fit standard advice into their already hectic days.
As a mum of 2 young ones, I feel like when I achieve even a small task, I’m proud of myself for trying my best and living in the moment by watching my children grow up. I know my time will come again one day. For now though, there’s no rush…
There is a way for parents too.
But I think they are not the only ones with strict limitations.
Interesting! First of all: Thank you for sharing this honest and critical perspective!
You really made me think here and follow my instinct about what felt a bit off when reading your lines - and I realise I was expecting a different perspective.
"If we rely only on our instincts, we end up neglecting the meaningful things." I am not sure if I fully agree with this. There is a certain curiosity - the fire in your belly you describe - that is actually an instinct for a meaningful thing.
When you started talking about your son (love how you do that), I thought about how children intrinsically follow their instincts, simply, because they have no idea of anything else. That is also why they are so dependent on a caretaker. However, I feel like the productivity mindset in modern society is what takes over once our parents and (early) teachers have nurtured and educated us to the extend that we actually are not helpless anymore. Maybe, throughout later childhood and adolescence, there is a tipping point where what used to be necessary in terms of learning routines, productivity, tools to actually take action on our instincts (meaning sensing them and responding adequately to them), we start to rely solely on the rountines and structures.
Take a fitness & diet routine that you actually manage to follow rigously. But your body still not responds the way you were aiming for. Is it that the productivity/discipline failed? Or maybe you simply disregarded some true instincts that led to e.g. ignoring food intolerances, eating when you are not hungry, eating what the plan says but not what the body needs, overtraining, etc.
So maybe, what productivity coaches are missing is not only the circumstances of a life of non-coaches as you describe it. Maybe it is the instinct part that gets neglected. I would be curious how some of your earlier advice would look like now if you merge the adult, actionable productivity hacks with the perspective of your son who simply follows whatever his body and mind is telling him right now.
You touch a very important point, thanks!
Unfortunately I see most people around me neglecting the things they really need, because they don't feel good. And I'm talking about smart, hard-working people.
In a way, it's Steven Pressfield's argument: when we face an important challenge, Resistance materializes in many ways and we find very reasonable excuses to cave in.
Even a job can be an excuse to procrastinate on something more important, our calling.
This is why we often have to block time on our calendars to do things we say we'd love to do.
Probably this topic needs an entire book!
Maybe I'll come back to it in the future.
It's true - we push things away until "the conditions are better". Conditions that are less busy, have more grown up children, less sick parents, less own health issues, look a certain way, feel a certian way, nail a certain habit, have a bit more money on hand, a better external opportunity coming our way, someone else retiring, someone else quitting, someone encouraging us, someone apologising to us...."
But the conditions will never be perfect and by working more in tune with yourself, you will make your whole lot experience in this life better NO MATTER the circumstances.
It's a path of constant adaptation and learning. Not just acquiring knowledge and skills, but developing self-awareness.
I absolutely agree with you Alberto. Above all, a negative aspect of this whole race for productivity through a single correct modality ('wake up at 5 am, gymnastics, writing...' and so on) is the comparison with a reality, as you tastefully stated, which for many simply does not allows it to be superimposable on these schemes. I consider myself a fairly productive person, and what I have learned, also reading many books and content related to the topic, is that the best thing is to build and adapt your own flexible system on how to work. For example, I write things on Notion and try to adapt them gradually in case something doesn't happen. When I moved, I sometimes changed this system or used it less. Some lash out at Notion and other apps because they say they only give us the idea of being productive, increasing procastination. In my opinion, as in all things, there is no black or white thing. Experimentation and, I would add, adaptation to different situations, is crucial above all to be fair in comparison with oneself.
Thank you. I agree wholeheartedly.
Great article, Alberto. Thanks for being real.
I'm so tired of all the bra-dvice (My daughter told me, "it's not "bro" anymore dad, it's "bra").
Speaking of which, I have to go pick her up from the school bus now. Gotta run!
Does she mean this?
I asked her to clarify "bro" vs "bra" and I've just been given a lesson in tween-ager vernacular. Apparently "bra" is used in a "seriously?" or "what?" context. You just say "bra"
And bro is still like "bro". So now that I've learned from the source, it sounds like bro is still bro.
So to clarify, I am tiring of the bro-dvice.
🤪