To Realize Your Full Potential, Stretch Yourself Thin
If you constantly chase balance, you miss the most formative experiences.
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This is another long piece. It shares a powerful and counterintuitive lesson, though. I hope you have time to read it.
Everyone is looking for more balance in their lives. They are fleeing from burnout and overworking. And they are right. My son deprived me of sleep for more a couple years straight and it’s not been fun.
Despite that, in the last two years, I have chosen imbalance. I committed to a very demanding hobby, alongside running my business and growing a new personal brand in my second language.
It’s been gruelling, but it allowed me to improve as a person, as a father, possibly as an entrepreneur, too. It convinced me that sometimes you have to stretch yourself thin. It may be the only way to unlock meaningful progress.
Good news after the pandemic
In 2022, as we emerged from the endless lockdowns of the pandemic, I received a surprising email. It came from an online community for musicians.
After the COVID-induced silence, someone was looking for a singer. He was starting an Oasis tribute band.
I immediately got excited. I can sing, I can play guitar. My high school band played Oasis. Opportunities like this are rare in my area, maybe one a year.
I played and sang in two bands a few years earlier, but it was short lived. I missed playing in front of an audience.
But soon my overprotective mind jumped “to the rescue”:
Will this clash with my duties as a father?
We only have one car. What if there’s an emergency while I'm rehearsing or playing at a concert?
Will I have time to practice at home?
Will I get along with my bandmates?
Will they like how I sing?
Every question increasingly chipped away at my enthusiasm. But that day a muse was probably watching. I overcame doubt, clicked on the send button and replied to the ad. After a brief meeting at a bar, I joined the group.
Since that day, we have played almost thirty concerts. Most venues even asked us to come back. This experience is giving me so much.
Dismantling self-doubt
During one of our first chats, the drummer told me “70% of a band's success depends on the frontman”. “Thanks! Pressure’s on!” I quipped.
But later I realized he made me a compliment in advance: I can take 70% of the credit for our success. I shouldn’t depend on external validation, but I constantly forget about my talents and achievements.
So, every time a venue owner invites us back, every time we get compliments from listeners and other musicians, my self-esteem gets a boost. It’s often short-lived, self-doubt is too strong. But every new concert refills it.
Lesson: Producing something that other people can see, hear, appreciate constantly reminds you of your worth.
Uncovering talent
I studied classical guitar for ten years from the age of eight. Every year, we showed our progress in a couple of recitals. They were dreadful.
Fear of judgment stole 50% of my abilities. I had to over-prepare to make a good impression.
But now I feel more comfortable on a stage than at dinner with not-so-close friends. My bandmates are nervous before concerts. I instead harness the adrenaline to give my best.
Sometimes I’m even inexplicably chill. I think it happens because on stage I dictate the rules. I would have missed this experience if I let my past chose for me.
Lesson: Do something that challenges your limiting beliefs. It will shatter them.
Breaking my solitary shell
After 20 successful concerts, I was almost kicked out of the band. I was contrary to a big “investment”. The drummer called and told me he talked to the other guitarist. They thought I didn’t share their vision. This made no sense. Until that moment, I gave everything I could to the band.
The real reason was they were stressed because of the bassist, who left the band a few days later. So they overreacted.
A band it's like a small family. But unlike a family, band members don’t have years of shared experiences. You don’t know each other’s inclinations, idiosyncrasies, and skills.
The episode reminded me I’m so reserved, I’m secretive. So now, I’m intentionally spending more time making sure I understand the others and verbalizing what’s in my head.
Lesson: So much trouble comes from sloppy communication. Every day, make an extra effort to check if you really know what other people feel and mean, and share much more than you think necessary.
My son became my first true fan
Leonardo, my son, is five. I have always been the person he listens to the most. But after he attended one of my concerts, our bond became magical.
He started playing drums every day on an electronic drum set that previously gathered dust for a year. He begs to come to my rehearsals. At my latest concert, he helped us to dismantle the drums and carried bags bigger than him to the cars.
I hope, I believe, that seeing my dedication and my investment in my talents will inspire him to do the same, even when it means sacrifice.
Lesson: When you commit 150% to something you love, when you pursue mastery, when you take risks, you inspire others. Maybe you don’t have children, but you can still be the hero to friends, relatives and even strangers.
It wasn’t all unicorns and rainbows
I was right to be afraid: it has been exhausting.
I joined the band as a singer, but I soon learned that the other guitarist, the founder of the group, had very limited skills. So my workload tripled. Now I have to sing and to play the hardest guitar parts. But I also have to prep the songs and choose the parts for the other guitarist, meeting his skills while keeping our covers true to the originals.
To be honest, I love it. I am a “multi-hyphenate”. Working on many fronts at the same time makes me feel alive. But it’s demanding. I need to optimize every minute to do everything well.
I’ve been regularly punished for my hobby: I went to sleep late after rehearsals, or very late and totally wiped out after concerts. But Leonardo rarely allowed me more than 5 hours of sleep.
You’ve seen the massive changes I went through, though. It was worth it.
We accept too many limitations
Fatigue wasn’t the only doubt before answering to that ad. I also feared judgement. But this experience is proving once again that this is just an internal construct. The feedback on my performances is always enthusiastic. Some people even prefer my voice to the original.
This is the truth about many of our doubts and limiting beliefs: either they are unfounded (like my fear of judgement) or they may be true, but inconsequential.
Our minds are like overprotective parents. They shine blinding spotlights on costs and risks. The benefits lie in pitch black darkness and become invisible.
We can’t anticipate the real impact of those benefits. We need to feel them on our skins, in our guts. We need tangible proof to finally admit it was worth it.
At the same time, perceived “risks” are far less dangerous than we think. And the costs are far more bearable. If things became too hard, I could have left the band any time. Or I could have negotiated a different rehearsal schedule.
This experience is turning my default response to every challenge into “let’s try”, instead of “let me analyze a laundry list of pros and cons and come back to you in a month when all the enthusiasm will have dried down”.
So… in practice?
You probably aren’t joining a band soon. But I’m sure countless decision like mine are waiting for you around the corner.
Your lazy, tired, scared mind will probably pull you towards that cozy comfort zone. It will say it’s impossible, even dangerous. Do this, instead:
Assess real costs. How much money, time, energy can it cost at most?
Consider how definitive the decision really is. It probably isn’t. You’ll be allowed to bail at any time.
Consider possible renegotiations of your commitment. Maybe you can do it less frequently, or limit the time spent, or...
Compare risks and rewards. What will you miss out on if you don’t try?
Consider what you’ll earn even if it doesn’t go well. If I stopped playing with this band tomorrow, I’d still keep all the lessons I described above. Plus, the musical skills I gained.
After going through these steps, you’ll probably realize that the challenge is worth a try. This approach, over time, will make you a more courageous, less scared individual.
It will bring you closer to discovering and fulfilling your whole potential.
Great piece. Thanks for the transparency. I 100% concur.
Great post!